Here I am all alone in my room, hiding in the dark facing my PC writing this blog. on sat someone ask me do i still blog?

yap in fact I do just that sometime I find that there is nothing to write or I can say that my mind is blank.

Lately I am not been doing very well in any aspect of my life. I am still living in the circle and had not found the break through yet but I am trying very hard. Life just happend to turn sour and I felt that the circle is getting small as the days passes. I still have the same amount of friends, even more then last time.

I flet so empty, I felt that I draw back from GOD. I am afraid of something which I cannot see and I dont know what is it. The feeling of emptyness and afraid is like click onto me, I am trying very hard to shake it off. Sometime I just lock up myself in the room for days, Some of my friend might know this. In the dark room just sat on my bed not doing anything, not sleeping or thing of anything just blank.....My spritual mom say that it is because devil is try to shake me. He dont want me to spent more time in the house of GOD and sever god. I knew that but I find it very hard to take.

God bless me with a very great job which I dont need to work that hard and still got a high paid. Maybe I got too much time to spent, not like my school day which is very busy and trying met the diedline, pass exam and facing all the challenge. Now is like very peaceful and simple, I got wll the time in the world to spent, so much time that I dont even know what should I do with it. The routine of my life is wake up, go to see is there any work to do if there isnt any I will find things to kill all the time, then at last lock up myself in my room again.

As I gets older, I could now afford anything I want but the problem is I do not know what I really want....isnt that sad. Of all 25 years of my life, I had been waiting for this day to come which I do not need to depend on anyone to get the things that I want, I should be very happy but I dont feel it that way......why? Only GOD knows.

Today 10.30 sermon is very nice, I like it and it touches my heart but my heart is still too cold to accept it.

Haha I dont even know what i am writing today, sorry.